It's 1:10am as I am writting this article. I am sat on the floor with my laptop in front of me, as Genie in the bottle by Christina Aguilera is blasting my ears through my fake earpods. I just keep staring into the voight, wondering how can I start listing everything I learn this past 8 years, but mostly how can I narrow down these same past 8 years of experience into 8 bullet points, when there were many events, tears, efforts, resilience behind each one of them.
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| who I aspire to be in my 40s |
The last 8 years were, with no surprise, the most fundamental of my life, as any other adult person in their late twenties. From 20 to 28, one usually (key word) goes through the same stages of life : college, graduation, first big girl jobs, first appartment, switching companies and cities, new friends, old friends, first relationships, first car and more. Whilst we may all have the same trajectory overall, it couldn't be more different from one person to another. Some of my friends whom I went to college with got married and have kids today, others live a complete different life abroad, single and chidless focusing on themselves (like me). What I am trying to say is, despite the usual path everyday people take, we still don't share the same experiences.
20s are full of uncertainty. You have to figure out what you want from life, who you want to be, where you want to go. Especially if you didn't have people around you to guide you and show you the path. You had to do it all alone. Your 20s are a time of exploration, growth and mistakes. It's a decade filled with excitement but also life lessons and challenges that shape the person you'll become.
Here are the 8 life lessons that I learned (and grateful for learning them early on) in my 20s :
1. Work hard in school and build a career (or build something of your own) : if you are not a nepo baby, or if you are a child of immigrant or an immigrant yourself, you will have to work twice as hard than the priviledged people to get half of what they have. I grew up with nothing and I couldn't be who I am if I didn't work harder in college to get a good degree, build an ambitious career early enough, and be financially stable. When you don't have ressources, you don't have a choice but to put in the hard work. The sooner you understand that you are the one responsible for your success the better. Financial stability gives you freedom, choice and upgrades your quality of life.
2. Disappoint your parents. That's a life lesson that a lot of people learn too late in their life. Learn to disappoint your parents, to live up to your expectations and not theirs. If you live for their approuval, you will end up chosing a career or even a partner that pleases them, only to compromise yourself and to live a misaligned and miserable life. Disappointing them early helps you trust your own jugement, build autonomy and freedom. So have the hard talks, stand your ground, accept their feelings and show that you can take care of yourself.
3. Make mistakes. Hang out with fake friends, date the mediocre guy, go be in the wrong places and deal with the wrong choices. Not only it will give some life experience, but you will learn about yourself a lot : your needs, your values, your worth, what you actually expect from friendships and relationships overall. My take on this is also that a lot of people go through their 20s trying to stay composed and perfect, to be the good girl, but end up crashing out later in life where responsibilites are harder to dodge and actions weight a lot more in terms of consequences.
4. Do a physical activity : whether is going to the gym, pilates, yoga or practicing a specific sport, move your ass please. your body and mental health you will thank you. Walking 10K steps a day is not enough, you need to be sweating and build muscle !!
5. Be a sidequester and try multiple hobbies : don't spend your life scrolling on your phone in your bedroom, go out there and talk to people, sign up for different classes whether it's pottery, painting, crochet, drawing, language learning. Go for a hike, for a swim, ride your bike around your city. Be intentional about experiening life on your own, outside of social media, and learn about yourself. I had a failed buisness at some point in my life, I had blogs, YouTube channels, newsletters, I journal, read, I am writing a novel currently and managing this blog !! I want to try everything that is possible on earth (haven't got to crocheting or playing guitare yet, but it's on my list !!). Hobbies are the way you enjoy life, build skills, and grow as a person. They play a huge role in living to the fullest.
6. Go on a solo trip. It might sound scary at first but it's the best decision you will make. You will learn sooo much about yourself in a different country. First things first, you will have to make the effort to talk to strangers, manage the schedule on your own, eat alone in restaurants. You will gain so much confidence and autonomy (and beautiful memories).
7. Invest in a therapist and hold yourself accountable. The earlier you do the work, the earlier you will be happy. If you went through hardships, abuse or trauma, please make sure you get the right support and help to not only move forward, but to heal that version of yourself so you can step into the next one without carrying the old baggage. Although for it to work, you must be ready to face yourself and your truth. Going through trauma may be not your fault but it's your responsibility to treat.
8. Live alone. If you have the opportunity or the means to live alone, please do it. You will learn everything that is to learn in life by living by yourself : your habits, your needs, structure your time, responsabilites, and you will grow as a confident person.
Ultimately, I will say that everyone is living for the first time, and nobody has it figured it out completely. As long as you live with purpose and intention, you will be fine. Keep in mind that these are my life lessions, things I applied during my twenties and I am glad I did because they shaped me into the person I am today.
Leave a comment and tell me which one stuck with you the most !
𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮,
𝓻𝓪𝔂 ♡
